Autumn Leaves
By StormDrake

She was, in my eyes, the most beautiful creature ever to have walked upon God's green Earth. Every movement she made, every step she took across the forest floor, was the carefully planned act of a goddess. The swaying of her arms was no mere movement of mortal flesh, but the divine will of an immortal. She was the living essence of Beauty. Her form was slender and athletic. Her skin was of the finest shade of sienna, without flaw. Her hair was the living green of a fern, thick and luscious, emerald leaves hanging down to just below her slender shoulders. Her skin from the navel down bore the delicate pattern of a birch tree, more the mark of delicate lines than the rough hide of a tree. Her legs were long and lithe, her feet ending in long root-like toes that gripped the soil with each step. And her eyes… her eyes were wide and deep, like the eyes of a doe. They were dark pools filled with both wisdom and innocence. And sadness… As the object of my secret affections strode unconcerned through the woods, I clung to my perch far above in the branches of an oak tree. I held my breath as she passed beneath me, unknowing of her hidden admirer. Twenty seconds seemed to slow down and span twenty years, as I was captivated by the beauty below. But all too soon, my forest goddess had passed beyond my sight, and once again I found myself alone.

I waited for a few minutes, just to be safe, and then began to make my way down the tree to the forest floor. Once I was standing on my own two feet, I adjusted my backpack, brushed away any leaves that clung to my clothes, and began the hour-long trek back to my village.

I do not know for how long I had been making these secret journeys into the depths of the woods. It had become such an essential part of my life that I could hardly imagine not seeing my secret love. It could not have been more than a year and a half, by my reckoning. But I would never forget the first time I saw her. That first sighting from afar, while hunting for wild game, was so burned into my memory that I could see her form in the distance every time I closed my eyes. It was for only a fraction of a second that I observed her, and then she was gone. But I was so taken by her sylvan beauty that I returned the next day at the same time, hoping without hope to catch another glimpse of her. And God granted my heart's wishes, allowing me to see her once again. Every day after that, I would sneak away from the normal chores of the village to see my forest goddess. Without her, I was incomplete. And while she did not know that I even existed, I was completely enraptured by her beauty. I had been smitten at first sight.

No one knew of my obsession. No one could know. If anyone had discovered my secret passion, I would have been exiled from my village, or even killed. To others, she was a monster, a threat to humanity. They would kill her on site, considering it a blessing to end her tortured existence, and a blessing to humans everywhere that such a dangerous threat was no more. My friends and family believed that such ugliness was evil, and dangerous. And I knew that their fears were justified. One drop of her blood would be enough to doom any man, woman, or child to a life of being a monster like her. But I didn't care. I couldn't believe that anything so beautiful could be evil. She was too lovely to be a monster. I knew deep down that I was wrong, that I was committing a sin just by letting her live. But even deeper down, I knew that she was far from being a creature of sin. Something as beautiful as this goddess who graced my dreams could never be wrong or evil.

It was nearing dusk by the time I had returned to my village. People had long ago stopped asking me where I disappeared to every afternoon. No one really cared. So long as I pulled my weight and didn't disturb anyone, I was left to my own. We were a private people, living on our own in a hostile world. Outside of the village walls, creatures of evil walked, staining the earth with their very presence. Inside, we farmed the land and struggled to live lives of virtue. I truly loved my village, and would never have desired to live anywhere else. It pained me at times to see the shallow-mindedness of those around me. They lived and breathed the belief that beauty was good, and anything that was not beautiful was the work of darkness and evil. It was our creed. And I spoke the same words as everyone else. But I did not believe them.

That night, as every night, my dreams were filled with images of my woodland goddess. Her face haunted my every sleeping thought. I stood amid a sea of trees, all swaying in a wind I could not feel. She appeared in front of me, staring deeply into my eyes, down into my heart and soul. I tried to speak, to reach up and take her hand in my own, to kiss her smooth cheek, to feel her green living hair brush against my face. But I could not move. She looked down into me, and smiled. She bent towards me, her eyes growing larger, and closer to mine. She opened her mouth, and I heard the shrill call of the morning rooster. My dream shattered, and I found myself awake, lying in my bed, drenched with sweat.

The day was a blur that passed around me like another dream. I spent the morning tending to my garden. I had a number of rose plants that were just starting to bloom. I loved my roses very much, though not as much as her. I looked over each leaf, thinking of how it reminded me of her. I loved plants. I finished my work early, and spent the early afternoon speaking to the blacksmith about getting a new garden hoe. A few hours after noon, I took my backpack upon my shoulders and left the village. Few people ever saw me leave, as I strove not to draw attention to myself. But once I was beyond the tall wooden walls of my village, I felt better. I was filled with an almost giddy anxiety, knowing that in little more than an hour I would be able to see her again. I quickened my pace.

I returned to the spot where she always passed, and secured my place high up within the branches of the oak tree. I had a good view from there, and could see the forest below me perfectly. I sat there, and settled down to wait. Sometimes I only had to wait a few minutes. Sometimes I was there for over an hour. But she always came. And I was always satisfied.

I only had to wait for fifteen minutes before I saw her again. She made almost no sound as she walked. But I had become accustomed to her drawing near. My heart paused in its beating as my beloved forest queen passed below me. For an instant I was completely enamored with her. Then, as if my heart had taken control of the rest of my body, I heard myself call out the words "Don't be afraid. I… I won't harm you."

She stopped dead in her tracks, her head darting swiftly towards the direction of my voice. She looked up, and for the first time in our lives she saw me. My blood froze in my body. But I had to act quickly. "I'm coming down. Please… please don't run away. I want to talk to you."

I began to climb down the tree, quickly, afraid that if I took too long she would vanish, never to return. But she was still there by the time I was standing on my own too feet. I stood only ten feet away from her. Ten feet separated a goddess from myself. I could do nothing but stare at her beauty. She watched me carefully, she in all her glory. Seconds passed before finally she spoke. "What do you want?"

Her voice was as I had always imagined it. Soft, yet confident, like the sound of a strong breeze blowing through a set of silver chimes. I heard the sound of her words echo through me, glowing throughout every inch of my body. "I… I…" I didn't know what to say. What can one say to a goddess? So I spoke the first words that came to my mind: "I love you."

Time stopped for an eternity. Her eyes were frozen between seconds, wide with shock. I could only look back into those deep pools of wisdom. She opened her mouth, and closed it again. She tried to speak a second time, but seemed lost. Finally, she seemed to regain her voice. "Excuse me? Who are you? What do you want?"

"My name is Nathaniel," I told her. The more I spoke, the easier it was to speak further. "I've been watching you… I saw you once, long ago, and knew then that you were the most beautiful person in the world. I had to come back and see you again. I… I love you. You are so beautiful… I can't help loving you."

She stared at me, a look of disbelief upon her perfect face. "What are you talking about? Are you crazy?"

"What is your name?" I asked her. I had to know her name. I knew that whatever it was, her name would be unlike any ever owned by a mortal. The name of a deity was a sacred and holy thing, and could not be compared with human words.

"My name is Autumn," she spoke hesitantly. And I knew at once that her name was perfect. Everything about her was perfect. "And I think you're crazy. Have you been stalking me? Are you here to kill me?"

"I love you," I uttered. "I had to see you. I had to speak to you. I think you're beautiful."

"Me? Beautiful? You must be blind! I'm a monster. I don't deserve to live. I'm a freak of nature!"

"No!" I cried. "You're not a monster! You're a goddess!"

"You're a lunatic. I'm a blood mutant! Two years ago I followed my father into the woods to help him find good trees for lumber. I was attacked by a treant, a huge living oak. My father saved me; he used his axe to cut me free. …but I got some of the treant's blood on me. It transformed me into this monstrous form. My father… he returned to the village alone, and told everyone that I had been killed by the treant. The next day, the villagers organized a party to go and kill the monster. If they had found me, they would have killed me too. And maybe they should have! I'm an abomination in the eyes of God. I deserve to be destroyed."

I shuddered with the horror of her words. "No! You are not a monster. Most people might think that you're ugly, but you're not. You're beautiful. And nothing that is so beautiful as yourself can be evil!"

Autumn turned away. "You're wrong. I am evil, because I am different. I'm no longer human. I'm the spawn of evil blood. I'm sorry you've been obsessing over me, but I am not the beautiful woman you think I am. I'm a freak. I have leaves growing out of my head! The only reason I haven't killed myself by now is because I'm too cowardly to do it." She paused. "I'm leaving now. Good bye."

"Wait!" I couldn't let her go. I started after her. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to my father's grave."

I stopped in my tracks. "Oh. I'm sorry…"

"He died six months ago," she said over her shoulder. Her voice was sorrowful, but hardened. "Soon after I was transformed, he grew ill. He eventually wasted away and died. I know that he loved me, and he had always been proud of me. The worst thing in the world for him was to have to tell everyone that I was dead. But he had to, to keep me safe. His only daughter was alive, but he could never see her again. And it tore him apart from the inside. But his daughter truly was dead. Only a monster remained…" She sighed, her voice filling with tears. "Please, leave me alone. I never want to see you here again. Just leave me alone."

I could feel my heart being crushed within my chest. "But… I love you!"

"You don't even know me," she said finally, a touch of anger in her words. Then, as she disappeared into the forest, she added, "You're strange. You love something that should not exist, who does not exist. You are fooling yourself if you think you love me. You don't know me. You cannot know me. Good bye."

And with that, she was gone, like autumn leaves blown away by the wind. I knew in my heart that I would never see her again.

I made my way home, devoid of all thought or feeling. I couldn't think. I couldn't speak. Once I was back within the walls of my village, I returned to the house I alone lived in, went to my bed, and lay down. I didn't go to sleep; I just lay there staring at the ceiling, numb. I didn't know what to say or do. I was devastated. I felt as if a vital part of me had been torn away and thrown to the ground. I couldn't even cry, I was so destroyed. It took three or four hours, long after the sun had set, before I was able to fall asleep. I did not dream that night.

The next day, I blindly went about doing my chores. I spent the morning in my garden, tending to the plants and vegetables there. I worked for four hours on my knees, my hands in the dirt, my mind farther away.

I paused and took the leaves of a rose bush in my hand. I slowly ran my thumb along the length of one leaf, feeling the smooth greenery beneath my finger. I thought briefly of her, of Autumn. I sighed, bent down, and kissed the leaf of the rose bush. I loved plants.

I stood up adjusting my shirt, and brushed away any traces of dirt that clung to my pants. I then left to go speak to the blacksmith about that gardening hoe.